Don’t Let Others Tell Our Story: Faith & Family Live!#When:00:55:00Z
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Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Healing Power of Forgiveness
As promised here is my musing on the healing power of forgiveness.
First off, let put this in perspective. We recognized in an earlier post that “Our Choices Affect Others” therefore we can conclude that those who are especially close to us, our spouse’s, parents, children, siblings, close friends, etc. all those whom we have a relationship with are interested in maintaining a relationship with us, therefore we naturally make time to spend with those who are close to us, we will share our hopes, dreams our fears and our worries with them. We will talk to them and listen to them, support them and encourage them.
In our human nature we must also recognize that any relationship we are part of will at some point have conflict. We are individuals, with our own weaknesses and flaws that will at some point contradict someone else’s personality flaws and weaknesses. Yet, because we value the relationship, in most cases, (I’d like to think in all cases) we want to make amends and get passed the point of conflict.
In order to do this, it usually means that one of the two persons must recognize their own error and initiate the healing. Yes, one of the two involved in the conflict must be prepared to say a heartfelt “I am sorry.” These three little words can be very tough to say. As mature individuals in a relationship we know, that we are not perfect, that as much as we try we sometimes can be hurtful with our words or actions; we can and do make mistakes. We must take this further at times, and also show how sorry we are. I usually explain it to my children like this: The words “I am sorry” carries three essential ingredients that must be present for it to be sincere
1. I know and acknowledge that I was wrong, and that I hurt you
2. I want to make this better and this is what I will do to correct it
3. I promise to do my very best to ensure that I never do this again
This also means that the other must be prepared to say “I forgive you” In order to be able to forgive, the offended person has to truly feel that the other person really is sorry. It has to be sincere, in human eyes this can be difficult for us to judge, it takes some trusting and risking. That is why the offender must ensure their actions are clear and consistent. When the offended person, fails to trust or take the risk and instead with holds forgiveness, who do you think really pays the price for that unwillingness to forgive? The person who is sincerely sorry? Does it hurt the person who is caring around the hurt and distrust just as much?
Sometimes, we hold on to forgiveness because in our own pride we think that the other person doesn’t deserve to be forgiven. The truth is, when we carry around that hurt, that anger, and distrust we are only hurting ourselves. Forgiveness is healing not only for those who want to be forgiven, but also for us who need to forgive. Unless and until there is a sincere apology and forgiveness, this relationship is stunted; there can be no growth or longing to spend time together, because the hurt feelings have not been dealt with.
At this time when we are preparing for Lent, which usually marks a time when we Catholics will also be preparing for our annual or semi-annual Sacrament of Reconcilation I challenge you to keep this in mind. This is how God approaches the Sacrament of Reconciliation. He wants to forgive you; he is waiting for a sincere apology in that confessional, so that you can both be free again to continue to nurture your relationship.
When we do and say things that go against God, our loving Father we choose to distance ourselves from God. God loves you, and he wants to spend time with you, he longs for you to spend time with him, he wants to help you, encourage you and listen to you. But, sin drives a wedge between you and Him. Imagine that God is on the other side of a window. When the window is clean you can see Him and hear him clearly. Now imagine that sin is like dirt that accumulates on that window, making it harder and harder to see him, eventually the window is so bad, perhaps a ball manages to break the glass, and now you can no longer see or hear Him at all. Going to confession, will repair that window and clean it up.
Many approach confession, like a root canal. Dreading every moment of it, and trying to justify why we don’t need to go. “Can’t I just take it to Christ? Why do I have to confess to a priest?”
I always ask, “Why don’t you want to confess your sins to a priest?” Usually the exact reason we don’t like to go, is why we should go. It takes more humility to voice our flaws, to hear ourselves vocalize our sins to another human being. Christ calls us to be humble, he told us to confess our sins to one another. He gave the first 12 apostles authority to forgive sins. The priest is acting on this authority, as successor of the first apostles.
When we prepare for confession, we can do an “Examination of Conscience” where we ask ourselves tough questions and examine how well we have lived out our faith, this is done prayerfully, and this is when we take our sins to Christ. We can and should do this every night. The Sacrament of Reconciliation is in addition to taking our sins to Christ, not instead of taking them to Christ. When we enter the confessional its Christ that we meet there, the Holy Spirit acting through the priest to allow our human ears to hear the powerful healing words “I absolve you from your sins”
This Sacrament is really a blessing, a wonderful gift that Christ has given to us. A gift that came with such a heavy price, the price he paid with his life. It should be difficult, it’s always difficult to admit that we are sorry, that we are wrong and we need to be forgiven. In this Sacrament we find true healing, we find God waiting to shower us with his love and mercy.
Any questions? Send them my way. I look forward to clarifying any of these points for you.
First off, let put this in perspective. We recognized in an earlier post that “Our Choices Affect Others” therefore we can conclude that those who are especially close to us, our spouse’s, parents, children, siblings, close friends, etc. all those whom we have a relationship with are interested in maintaining a relationship with us, therefore we naturally make time to spend with those who are close to us, we will share our hopes, dreams our fears and our worries with them. We will talk to them and listen to them, support them and encourage them.
In our human nature we must also recognize that any relationship we are part of will at some point have conflict. We are individuals, with our own weaknesses and flaws that will at some point contradict someone else’s personality flaws and weaknesses. Yet, because we value the relationship, in most cases, (I’d like to think in all cases) we want to make amends and get passed the point of conflict.
In order to do this, it usually means that one of the two persons must recognize their own error and initiate the healing. Yes, one of the two involved in the conflict must be prepared to say a heartfelt “I am sorry.” These three little words can be very tough to say. As mature individuals in a relationship we know, that we are not perfect, that as much as we try we sometimes can be hurtful with our words or actions; we can and do make mistakes. We must take this further at times, and also show how sorry we are. I usually explain it to my children like this: The words “I am sorry” carries three essential ingredients that must be present for it to be sincere
1. I know and acknowledge that I was wrong, and that I hurt you
2. I want to make this better and this is what I will do to correct it
3. I promise to do my very best to ensure that I never do this again
This also means that the other must be prepared to say “I forgive you” In order to be able to forgive, the offended person has to truly feel that the other person really is sorry. It has to be sincere, in human eyes this can be difficult for us to judge, it takes some trusting and risking. That is why the offender must ensure their actions are clear and consistent. When the offended person, fails to trust or take the risk and instead with holds forgiveness, who do you think really pays the price for that unwillingness to forgive? The person who is sincerely sorry? Does it hurt the person who is caring around the hurt and distrust just as much?
Sometimes, we hold on to forgiveness because in our own pride we think that the other person doesn’t deserve to be forgiven. The truth is, when we carry around that hurt, that anger, and distrust we are only hurting ourselves. Forgiveness is healing not only for those who want to be forgiven, but also for us who need to forgive. Unless and until there is a sincere apology and forgiveness, this relationship is stunted; there can be no growth or longing to spend time together, because the hurt feelings have not been dealt with.
At this time when we are preparing for Lent, which usually marks a time when we Catholics will also be preparing for our annual or semi-annual Sacrament of Reconcilation I challenge you to keep this in mind. This is how God approaches the Sacrament of Reconciliation. He wants to forgive you; he is waiting for a sincere apology in that confessional, so that you can both be free again to continue to nurture your relationship.
When we do and say things that go against God, our loving Father we choose to distance ourselves from God. God loves you, and he wants to spend time with you, he longs for you to spend time with him, he wants to help you, encourage you and listen to you. But, sin drives a wedge between you and Him. Imagine that God is on the other side of a window. When the window is clean you can see Him and hear him clearly. Now imagine that sin is like dirt that accumulates on that window, making it harder and harder to see him, eventually the window is so bad, perhaps a ball manages to break the glass, and now you can no longer see or hear Him at all. Going to confession, will repair that window and clean it up.
Many approach confession, like a root canal. Dreading every moment of it, and trying to justify why we don’t need to go. “Can’t I just take it to Christ? Why do I have to confess to a priest?”
I always ask, “Why don’t you want to confess your sins to a priest?” Usually the exact reason we don’t like to go, is why we should go. It takes more humility to voice our flaws, to hear ourselves vocalize our sins to another human being. Christ calls us to be humble, he told us to confess our sins to one another. He gave the first 12 apostles authority to forgive sins. The priest is acting on this authority, as successor of the first apostles.
When we prepare for confession, we can do an “Examination of Conscience” where we ask ourselves tough questions and examine how well we have lived out our faith, this is done prayerfully, and this is when we take our sins to Christ. We can and should do this every night. The Sacrament of Reconciliation is in addition to taking our sins to Christ, not instead of taking them to Christ. When we enter the confessional its Christ that we meet there, the Holy Spirit acting through the priest to allow our human ears to hear the powerful healing words “I absolve you from your sins”
This Sacrament is really a blessing, a wonderful gift that Christ has given to us. A gift that came with such a heavy price, the price he paid with his life. It should be difficult, it’s always difficult to admit that we are sorry, that we are wrong and we need to be forgiven. In this Sacrament we find true healing, we find God waiting to shower us with his love and mercy.
Any questions? Send them my way. I look forward to clarifying any of these points for you.
Cardboard Testimonies
A good friend sent this to me in an e-mail. Very powerful video prepared by a Protestant church with very powerful messages from others who have found Christ.
It is so true that we all have a story, don't we?
What would your cardboard testimony read?
Watch the video
Then share what your cardboard testimony would read here.
My cardboard testimony would be:
Struggled for years in unfulfilled marriage
FLIP SIDE
Found true freedom and fulfillment when we let God take control
It is so true that we all have a story, don't we?
What would your cardboard testimony read?
Watch the video
Then share what your cardboard testimony would read here.
My cardboard testimony would be:
Struggled for years in unfulfilled marriage
FLIP SIDE
Found true freedom and fulfillment when we let God take control
Small Successes
Can you believe a week has gone by already?
Well, my husband is off for a Men's Spiritual Retreat, while I miss him dearly, I couldn't think of a better way for him to spend Valentine's Day then to nurture his friendship with Christ.
So what are your small success this week? Post them here.
Here's mine:
1. Made time to enjoy breakfast that my husband made for me this morning. ( I don't usually have time to make/or eat breakfast on weekdays)
2. Got some shopping done at the new Winners in town.
3 Set up some future dates to spend time with friends & family.
Well, my husband is off for a Men's Spiritual Retreat, while I miss him dearly, I couldn't think of a better way for him to spend Valentine's Day then to nurture his friendship with Christ.
So what are your small success this week? Post them here.
Here's mine:
1. Made time to enjoy breakfast that my husband made for me this morning. ( I don't usually have time to make/or eat breakfast on weekdays)
2. Got some shopping done at the new Winners in town.
3 Set up some future dates to spend time with friends & family.
Friday, February 6, 2009
Small Successes
I know I mentioned my next post would be about forgiveness.
However, I recall that I missed last weeks, small successes. Although no one has added comments to join me in listing your own small successes this passed week, I feel strongly that this important. We tend to spend too much time focussing on what we haven’t accomplished.
I am challenging you to look at what you have done! Have some fun with this. It’s important to look on the lighter side, recognize that what may appear to be a small accomplishment for you, may have great value to others. Remember, our choices affect others right, this works positively as well.
So here are my 3 accomplishments:
1. Shared a movie night with my husband, watched Fireproof ( highly recommend it)
2. Made time to have tea with a friend
3. Followed through with prayer commitments and meetings
What have you accomplished? Add your list by clicking here.
However, I recall that I missed last weeks, small successes. Although no one has added comments to join me in listing your own small successes this passed week, I feel strongly that this important. We tend to spend too much time focussing on what we haven’t accomplished.
I am challenging you to look at what you have done! Have some fun with this. It’s important to look on the lighter side, recognize that what may appear to be a small accomplishment for you, may have great value to others. Remember, our choices affect others right, this works positively as well.
So here are my 3 accomplishments:
1. Shared a movie night with my husband, watched Fireproof ( highly recommend it)
2. Made time to have tea with a friend
3. Followed through with prayer commitments and meetings
What have you accomplished? Add your list by clicking here.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Our Choices Affect Others
Do any of us truly believe that our decisions do not affect other people?
Have we not at one point in our lives fallen for this lie, that our choices are nobody else’s business?
Believing that if there are consequences they will be our own consequences and no one else’s.
These are lies. Once Satan can convince us that this is “true” he has won a battle for our souls and the souls of the lives we touch.
Not convinced?
None of us lives on an island. Somehow or another our lives our intertwined with people around us, our family, our friends, co-workers and even people we may not have met personally.
Think of someone with an addiction to drugs, alcohol, gambling, etc. The choice to partake in the addictive behaviour begins with an individual who has bought into this belief that his/her choice to place the behaviour or substance ahead of their job, family or friends will not affect anyone but himself.
At some point society recognizes this addiction as an illness and provides resources and treatment to help these individuals make a better choice. While the individual may struggle with the effects of the addiction, we recognize that the family and friends of this individual are deeply affected and in some cases require their own personal therapy to overcome personal difficulties. All this puts a strain on the community and society as a whole to provide these programs, not to mention the addicts who fall into criminal activity to maintain their addiction.
Is it too presumptuous of me to assume that this is true for all decisions we make as individuals? Maybe, but I think not. What I am trying to get at here, is that we cannot go through life, living by our personal moral compass assuming that we are not in turn affecting people around us.
Let’s talk about the damage of allowing sin to rule our lives. Sin is not a personal thing. While the consequences affect us personally, damaging our soul and whatever physical, emotional and psychological consequences we have to contend with. Let’s not delude ourselves into believing that others are not left with consequences as well.
Take for example our own story, you can read here. A decision we made over 7 years ago, is still deeply affecting us today. But what we didn’t count on is that this same decision is now affecting our children, and will affect generations to come. For years we were too ashamed to share our story with others, how many poor souls could have benefited from knowing what we had lived and learned. Recently we have had friends ask if they can use our story to help explain the Church’s teaching to others so now we are affecting people we do not even know.
Someone posted a comment the other day that made think “look how delicate a snow flake is on its own, and yet see what snowflakes can do when they stick together!”
I believe this comment was made to show how powerful we can be if we have a united front, we can effect change.
My friends in Christ, we are like the snowflakes, so delicate on our own. We will “sin” we will fail, and falter and make bad choices over and over again. We must remember that we are all connected, when we fall, we affect the Church, we affect each other.
This is why we need to rely on each other, so we can build each other up and provide healing where it is needed. But we are nothing without Christ. We cannot stand in judgement of our fallen friends, family and members of the Church. However, I feel strongly that we cannot justify sin or excuse it. Sin is what is, it’s damaging and it’s hurtful.
Can we still love the sinner? Can Christ still work through us, even though we are flawed?
My answer is a resounding and hopeful “YES” our heavenly Father is gracious because He created us and knows us. He has a plan that is beyond our understanding and our scope of reality. We have only to read about the woman at the well in John 4:7-42. While she was still a sinner, Christ used her to convert a whole town.
In my role as a Mom I will relate this example to you in attempt to make my point.
I receive a phone call from my son’s teacher advising me of an over due assignment my son has failed to hand in. I quickly realize I was unaware of any such assignment. When my son comes home I check his agenda to find notes that have been erased or covered with white out. I provide him an opportunity to come clean without disclosing what I already know. He fails to fess up to his lies, by continuing to lie. I hate every minute of this betrayal, I don’t understand why he is lying to me, and I hate being lied too. I will not make excuses for his behaviour, it’s upsetting. Once he realizes we have caught his lies, we are quick to point out how his choice to lie has affected so many people. He thought it would only affect him, so it would be no big deal. Well, his teacher who probably does not like to have to call parents had to take on the undesirable task of doing so, it was a group assignment, so he has let his group of friends down, and they will undoubtedly question themselves before they trust him again. He has begged to question our trust in him and the time we take to have this discussion and to help with the make up assignment, has taken time away that we could have spent doing something fun as a family, which affects his younger brother. I think we get the idea; I hope and pray my son does too.
During all this, have I stopped loving my son? Have I stopped appreciating his good qualities, because he has failed me this time? NO.
We are never alone in our decisions, even if we do not recognize who will be affected by our choices; we cannot naively believe that we are not affecting others. We do affect others with our choices, good and bad.
In my next post I plan to address the healing power of forgiveness. Since we can acknowledge that we are all flawed and that we will fail, it is important for us all to reflect on the priceless gift of reconciliation, and just in time for Lent.
In Christ,
Have we not at one point in our lives fallen for this lie, that our choices are nobody else’s business?
Believing that if there are consequences they will be our own consequences and no one else’s.
These are lies. Once Satan can convince us that this is “true” he has won a battle for our souls and the souls of the lives we touch.
Not convinced?
None of us lives on an island. Somehow or another our lives our intertwined with people around us, our family, our friends, co-workers and even people we may not have met personally.
Think of someone with an addiction to drugs, alcohol, gambling, etc. The choice to partake in the addictive behaviour begins with an individual who has bought into this belief that his/her choice to place the behaviour or substance ahead of their job, family or friends will not affect anyone but himself.
At some point society recognizes this addiction as an illness and provides resources and treatment to help these individuals make a better choice. While the individual may struggle with the effects of the addiction, we recognize that the family and friends of this individual are deeply affected and in some cases require their own personal therapy to overcome personal difficulties. All this puts a strain on the community and society as a whole to provide these programs, not to mention the addicts who fall into criminal activity to maintain their addiction.
Is it too presumptuous of me to assume that this is true for all decisions we make as individuals? Maybe, but I think not. What I am trying to get at here, is that we cannot go through life, living by our personal moral compass assuming that we are not in turn affecting people around us.
Let’s talk about the damage of allowing sin to rule our lives. Sin is not a personal thing. While the consequences affect us personally, damaging our soul and whatever physical, emotional and psychological consequences we have to contend with. Let’s not delude ourselves into believing that others are not left with consequences as well.
Take for example our own story, you can read here. A decision we made over 7 years ago, is still deeply affecting us today. But what we didn’t count on is that this same decision is now affecting our children, and will affect generations to come. For years we were too ashamed to share our story with others, how many poor souls could have benefited from knowing what we had lived and learned. Recently we have had friends ask if they can use our story to help explain the Church’s teaching to others so now we are affecting people we do not even know.
Someone posted a comment the other day that made think “look how delicate a snow flake is on its own, and yet see what snowflakes can do when they stick together!”
I believe this comment was made to show how powerful we can be if we have a united front, we can effect change.
My friends in Christ, we are like the snowflakes, so delicate on our own. We will “sin” we will fail, and falter and make bad choices over and over again. We must remember that we are all connected, when we fall, we affect the Church, we affect each other.
This is why we need to rely on each other, so we can build each other up and provide healing where it is needed. But we are nothing without Christ. We cannot stand in judgement of our fallen friends, family and members of the Church. However, I feel strongly that we cannot justify sin or excuse it. Sin is what is, it’s damaging and it’s hurtful.
Can we still love the sinner? Can Christ still work through us, even though we are flawed?
My answer is a resounding and hopeful “YES” our heavenly Father is gracious because He created us and knows us. He has a plan that is beyond our understanding and our scope of reality. We have only to read about the woman at the well in John 4:7-42. While she was still a sinner, Christ used her to convert a whole town.
In my role as a Mom I will relate this example to you in attempt to make my point.
I receive a phone call from my son’s teacher advising me of an over due assignment my son has failed to hand in. I quickly realize I was unaware of any such assignment. When my son comes home I check his agenda to find notes that have been erased or covered with white out. I provide him an opportunity to come clean without disclosing what I already know. He fails to fess up to his lies, by continuing to lie. I hate every minute of this betrayal, I don’t understand why he is lying to me, and I hate being lied too. I will not make excuses for his behaviour, it’s upsetting. Once he realizes we have caught his lies, we are quick to point out how his choice to lie has affected so many people. He thought it would only affect him, so it would be no big deal. Well, his teacher who probably does not like to have to call parents had to take on the undesirable task of doing so, it was a group assignment, so he has let his group of friends down, and they will undoubtedly question themselves before they trust him again. He has begged to question our trust in him and the time we take to have this discussion and to help with the make up assignment, has taken time away that we could have spent doing something fun as a family, which affects his younger brother. I think we get the idea; I hope and pray my son does too.
During all this, have I stopped loving my son? Have I stopped appreciating his good qualities, because he has failed me this time? NO.
We are never alone in our decisions, even if we do not recognize who will be affected by our choices; we cannot naively believe that we are not affecting others. We do affect others with our choices, good and bad.
In my next post I plan to address the healing power of forgiveness. Since we can acknowledge that we are all flawed and that we will fail, it is important for us all to reflect on the priceless gift of reconciliation, and just in time for Lent.
In Christ,
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