With Father’s Day coming up I find myself lamenting about my relationship with my Dad. My Dad may not have been the perfect model of a husband and father, and I won’t share the negative details here out of respect for him and my family. Being the youngest of 4 children, I know my siblings have a different experience of Dad – it shows through our current relationship with him.
Our father, daughter relationship has been through many changes, some I am sure are typical of any healthy father, daughter relationship - from idolizing him as a child, to thinking little of him during the rebellious teen years and then respecting him again as an adult.
Some of the best childhood memories I have are of my Dad, taking the time to play with me, laugh with me. I recall us watching the Saturday morning cartoons together, or the Sunday afternoon Disney movie, at times I believe he was enjoying the show more than I was. He always let me win when we played ‘Connect Four’ and he taught me how to dance. I also remember watching him dance with Mom, they looked like they’d been partners forever, their movements were so fluid and natural.
Thankfully, my Dad is still with us, so I can share these memories with him still. However, his health is deteriorating, which may be the inspiration for this lament.
Through my teen and young adult years I learned some things about my Dad that shattered the view of the man I idolized. He has made some decisions I know he isn’t proud of; choices that have caused much pain, heartache and regret. It was difficult to come back to seeing him as someone I should respect but by the grace of God, I have.
You see, whatever decisions he made as a man, decisions that are on his regret list – I know that becoming a husband and father are not on that list. I can still look at him and see the man I idolized as a child.
Even though our relationship is far from perfect, even though he wasn’t always emotionally available to me – he has given me awesome memories that I will always cherish. This consolation I take with me, as I witness my own husband with our boys. I watch them play together, laugh together and I know no matter how imperfect our marriage is, how much we struggle to ensure they learn the important things, in the end, they too will have these awesome memories to cherish.
Happy Father’s Day, Daddy! Love you.
