Our Choices Affect Others

Do any of us truly believe that our decisions do not affect other people?

Have we not at one point in our lives fallen for this lie, that our choices are nobody else’s business?

Believing that if there are consequences they will be our own consequences and no one else’s.

These are lies. Once Satan can convince us that this is “true” he has won a battle for our souls and the souls of the lives we touch.

Not convinced?

None of us lives on an island. Somehow or another our lives our intertwined with people around us, our family, our friends, co-workers and even people we may not have met personally.

Think of someone with an addiction to drugs, alcohol, gambling, etc. The choice to partake in the addictive behaviour begins with an individual who has bought into this belief that his/her choice to place the behaviour or substance ahead of their job, family or friends will not affect anyone but himself.

At some point society recognizes this addiction as an illness and provides resources and treatment to help these individuals make a better choice. While the individual may struggle with the effects of the addiction, we recognize that the family and friends of this individual are deeply affected and in some cases require their own personal therapy to overcome personal difficulties. All this puts a strain on the community and society as a whole to provide these programs, not to mention the addicts who fall into criminal activity to maintain their addiction.

Is it too presumptuous of me to assume that this is true for all decisions we make as individuals? Maybe, but I think not. What I am trying to get at here, is that we cannot go through life, living by our personal moral compass assuming that we are not in turn affecting people around us.

Let’s talk about the damage of allowing sin to rule our lives. Sin is not a personal thing. While the consequences affect us personally, damaging our soul and whatever physical, emotional and psychological consequences we have to contend with. Let’s not delude ourselves into believing that others are not left with consequences as well.

Take for example our own story, you can read here. A decision we made over 7 years ago, is still deeply affecting us today. But what we didn’t count on is that this same decision is now affecting our children, and will affect generations to come. For years we were too ashamed to share our story with others, how many poor souls could have benefited from knowing what we had lived and learned. Recently we have had friends ask if they can use our story to help explain the Church’s teaching to others so now we are affecting people we do not even know.

Someone posted a comment the other day that made think “look how delicate a snow flake is on its own, and yet see what snowflakes can do when they stick together!”

I believe this comment was made to show how powerful we can be if we have a united front, we can effect change.

My friends in Christ, we are like the snowflakes, so delicate on our own. We will “sin” we will fail, and falter and make bad choices over and over again. We must remember that we are all connected, when we fall, we affect the Church, we affect each other.

This is why we need to rely on each other, so we can build each other up and provide healing where it is needed. But we are nothing without Christ. We cannot stand in judgement of our fallen friends, family and members of the Church. However, I feel strongly that we cannot justify sin or excuse it. Sin is what is, it’s damaging and it’s hurtful.

Can we still love the sinner? Can Christ still work through us, even though we are flawed?

My answer is a resounding and hopeful “YES” our heavenly Father is gracious because He created us and knows us. He has a plan that is beyond our understanding and our scope of reality. We have only to read about the woman at the well in John 4:7-42. While she was still a sinner, Christ used her to convert a whole town.

In my role as a Mom I will relate this example to you in attempt to make my point.
I receive a phone call from my son’s teacher advising me of an over due assignment my son has failed to hand in. I quickly realize I was unaware of any such assignment. When my son comes home I check his agenda to find notes that have been erased or covered with white out. I provide him an opportunity to come clean without disclosing what I already know. He fails to fess up to his lies, by continuing to lie. I hate every minute of this betrayal, I don’t understand why he is lying to me, and I hate being lied too. I will not make excuses for his behaviour, it’s upsetting. Once he realizes we have caught his lies, we are quick to point out how his choice to lie has affected so many people. He thought it would only affect him, so it would be no big deal. Well, his teacher who probably does not like to have to call parents had to take on the undesirable task of doing so, it was a group assignment, so he has let his group of friends down, and they will undoubtedly question themselves before they trust him again. He has begged to question our trust in him and the time we take to have this discussion and to help with the make up assignment, has taken time away that we could have spent doing something fun as a family, which affects his younger brother. I think we get the idea; I hope and pray my son does too.

During all this, have I stopped loving my son? Have I stopped appreciating his good qualities, because he has failed me this time? NO.

We are never alone in our decisions, even if we do not recognize who will be affected by our choices; we cannot naively believe that we are not affecting others. We do affect others with our choices, good and bad.

In my next post I plan to address the healing power of forgiveness. Since we can acknowledge that we are all flawed and that we will fail, it is important for us all to reflect on the priceless gift of reconciliation, and just in time for Lent.

In Christ,