Our Halloween Dilemma...

Since our conversion we have always felt a pull to shy away from all the happenings of Halloween night, we know that if we had converted before our children were born we would have never started the tradition of participating in Halloween.

We didn’t want our children to think our conversion meant they no longer get to take part in fun activities like Halloween. After all they don’t see the harm in getting candy from the neighbours and dressing up as their favourite super hero. If we are going to stop being a part of Halloween we’d have to replace it with another fun activity.

I enjoy hearing about other Catholic families who still hold costume parties for their children with an “All Saints Day” theme. I am going to seriously consider hosting one next year. I guess now that I have put that in print, someone may hold me too it.

In the last few years we have made a point of coming to know and understand the background of Halloween, and it seems depending on which resource we refer to we find varying stories. My favourite is found at American Catholic

We are uncomfortable with entire notion of glorifying evil, so we have placed rules on the types of costumes our children can wear, etc., However, this year there was a new concern for me, as a Mom of a pre-teen boy... the costumes are not just becoming more horrid, now we are finding hyper sexualized costumes for young girls and adult women as well. Hagelin of the Washington Times says is best.

This year when our older son expressed that he has no desire to participate in Halloween, I have to say we did breathe a sigh of relief. We left the decision up to him, but we also did not try to change his mind when he mentioned he’d rather stay home that evening.

Our youngest says, “I’m not missing out an opportunity to get free candy!” We reminded him that the candy is not really free, because Mom and Dad are buying candy to hand out to the children who come knocking on our door. For the candy to be free, we’d have to take him out trick or treating and not buy any to give out. I’m not sure that made any difference to him.

We may do things differently next year...time will tell.

However, what really amazes me is that we live in a society that readily accepts images that are gruesome and horrifying. Why are we so fascinated with walking corpses and representations of supernatural beings like, witches and vampires? Yet, it is so difficult for some to accept that a supernatural being that is all good and loving could exist?

I think about the way Christ and the first Christian martyrs suffered and those images can be pretty gruesome, perhaps for those who are so attracted to those gruesome images for the mere shock value could benefit from a party where we dress up as a one of the martyrs, that could make for some pretty gruesome costumes. St. Thomas More without a head; Blessed Jose Luis with bloody feet after they were skinned off; and many more you can read about more Christian Martyrs.

Sink or Swim

A few years ago, I had the opportunity to sit among a group of young adults and overheard one of them say, “I don’t really believe any of it (God, or the church) I just do all of this for my parents.”

I have to say I was very sad to hear this. Even more sad, that at the time I couldn’t think of a reasonable response.

However, as a parent what struck me was the awareness that one day, one of my children might say this – so I began to ponder, what if...

I’ve seen so many families who have had a child turn away from the faith, so I know my children are not immune. This would certainly pierce my heart, but not enough to make me despair or give up on them.

When I look back on my own youth, perhaps at some point I might have been able to say this very same thing. In fact, my actions did say this to God, loud and clear. I was going through the motions of a Catholic youth because I knew my parents expected me to, but I had not made the faith my own.

What would I have liked to have said that day, to that youth who made that statement?

It is the responsibility of us parents to pass on the faith to our children. We have to have an authentic faith, filled with hope and love. Of course, our hope is that our children will make this faith their own, but until the time comes when they are old enough to chose, parents must embrace the challenge of this responsibility.

If I had a swimming pool in my yard, I have the responsibility to protect my child from falling in, or teaching them to swim and how to engage in safe water play. It would be irresponsible for me to leave it up to my child to learn the hard way, risking that they might fall in and then wait and see if they would sink or swim.

However, just because I have a pool and have done my part to protect them or teach them to swim, doesn’t mean that one day when they are old enough to be left unsupervised (young adults) they might make a choice that proves to be detrimental or even deadly.

If I believe in fundamental right and wrong; I believe in the value of our mortal bodies and our immortal soul then it’s my responsibility to teach my children basic truths of the faith, which means I have to know the faith myself so that I have something to pass on to them. Even after doing all I can for them, if they still choose to turn away from the faith then I will hold on to hope against hope that they will come to see the truth, knowing full well that I cannot force them.

This reminds me of the parable of the sower. When we sow the seeds we don’t know what type of soil has been prepared for us, we hope some of it will land on good soil, and we trust that someday it will bear fruit. Even though some seed may land on rocks or thorns doesn’t mean we should stop sowing the seeds. If we stop then we risk that no seed will land on good soil.

When the time comes for our children to seek the truth, some of the seeds may at that time come to bear fruit.

This is one of the many things I find so awesome about how God works in our lives. He is not intrusive, and he never interferes with our free will. He sets up guidelines for us and then hopes we will come to appreciate that the guidelines are there to help us, not hinder us.

This same fatherly love that God has for us is how we as parents are called to love our children. We are not hindering their freedom; actually we are teaching them to live as free human beings and allowing them the opportunity to make an informed choice.